A Boundless Field of Energy/Love

Mystical Experiencer:  Male in mid-seventies
Current location:  U.S.A.
Age at time of experience:  33

I awake to nothing.  No body.  No senses: no sight, no hearing, no touch, no taste, no smell, no thought.  No perception of time or space: no near, no far, no light or dark.  No heat, no cold.  No emotion: no joy, no fear.  Just calm awareness in a gray void. 

A moment / eternity passes.

Light!  A brilliant sun!  And with it, darkness: the fullness of empty space.  A small human figure stands in silhouette.  My awareness shifts.  I become the figure; a human body standing in space before a radiant globe.

I feel!  I am bathed in intense light and heat; light and heat so intense that if I were in a physical form I would be vaporized.  I am engulfed by boundless, infinite energy; overwhelming energy.  Another shift in perception: energy becomes love.  Energy and love are the same.  Energy is love.  I am embraced and cradled: enfolded by a boundless field of energy/love, love which is personal yet vast beyond comprehension.

I am seen; seen through.  The barriers and masks that we construct to present an idealized persona to the world are blown away.  Though the experience is veiled to me, I perceive that my life in its naked reality is being lived and fully comprehended by a conscious presence.  There is no judgment.  My being with all its shortcomings, failures, and rough edges is unconditionally accepted, loved, and cherished.

I become aware that what had first appeared like a sun is un-like anything from ordinary reality.  I am in the presence of a radiant, fluid luminosity.  An amalgam of water and light is the best approximation I can think of.  The sense of being before a conscious presence intensifies.

My mind buzzes with the desire to hold It, to explain and contain It with my thought.  The more I grasp, however, the more It slips away.  It cannot be grasped or named.  I give up, let go, and allow myself to simply rest with It.

With this shift from desire/grasping to acceptance I am permeated by light.  In a blaze, the dark husk of my body flakes away.  I become light.  I am one with the light.  I am the light, a fluid, radiant luminosity.  I have no body.  No senses: no sight, no hearing, no touch, no taste, no smell, no thought.  No perception of time or space.  I am calm awareness in a radiantly luminous field of joyfully dancing light. 

A moment / eternity passes.

I find myself with a luminous body.  A thought is expressed without words:  approach your live with joy and gratitude; compassion and acceptance.  A cosmic chuckle: clear-eyed and hard-nosed.  I am laughed at/with.  “Don’t take your Self so seriously” rings in my mind.

As I turn from the light a frigorific presence rushes from behind and past my left ear.  It is a transparent nothingness consuming all energy in its path.  It radiates a cold animus and an implacable will to be separate; to differentiate.  As it rushes past an iron darkness warps around me.  It fuses to me and I become dark and solid.

I awake to an ordinary day, my ordinary self and life and a huge why?

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