Infinity Flew Out in Every Direction

Mystical Experiencer:  Male in late thirties
Current location:  U.S.A.
Age at time of experience:  20

I had done LSD before. Enough to know what I was getting into (maybe a dozen times prior). I’d done mushrooms, ketamine, MDMA, etc. and had lovely experiences. Experience that usurped my ego borders and brought me experiences of profundity and the nebulous. This night was not like those others.

The trip came on fast and hard. So fast (I could feel myself surging in under 15 minutes) I was liable to get scared, and I would have had I not made the conscious decision to let go and surrender to the experience. I sat down next to a bonfire and began to meditate.

The swaying trees above became a sovereign presence and an abiding friend throughout my journey. The ambers from the fire danced above me comingling with the stars. I could feel an ocean of energy swelling within me. I could see the Buddha in the flames and then the flames possessed me.

I walked down to the beach of a large lake on a calm night when the stars and sky and lake and horizon fuse into infinity. Everything opened up. Infinity flew out in every direction; into the cosmos and into my mind. Reality at the largest scale mirrored the infinity of the microcosm. The capacity for a symbolic relationship with this reality was shattered into this infinity. The Now stretched on into eternity.

The illusion of time became a banal and obvious truth. Values of any kind ceased. Any sense of better than our worse than, divine, shit, all was on the same cosmic footing. All was equal. Everything about my life, my ego, my everything, scattered into this everything. Without reference point; without division; without value; without time; without separation – there is. Just Being.

And it filled me with bliss. I had never known the meaning of bliss or infinity or eternity until that moment. And this awareness was pure knowing. Not knowledge. Not information. It was revealed truth which was innate to my very existence. I was one with it. Zero separation.

In that state, there are no thoughts or opinions to be had. It just IS. And what seemed to be the moment of reentering myself was the thought. Thought itself pulled me back into the relative. And that first thought had the value of “the holy.” The ground that I stood on, the stars in the sky, the plants and animals, and skin on my bones became infused with a spirit/essence of the divine.

And I was flooded with love and gratitude. And I cried and cried. With joy and sorrow and pain and hope and everything about this life and its greatness. Words cannot do it justice. Words are like flinging dog shit at a Monet. This reality can’t be scratched. It’s beyond the relative. Beyond human. Beyond any species or planet. Beyond anything. But it’s made manifest in us.

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