Mystical Experiencer: Female in early forties
Current location: U.S.A.
Age at time of experience: 33
It was the summer before starting my first job as a special education teacher in Portland, Oregon. We had just moved there with my husband and bought a house. We had had some difficulties but where trying to work things out.
I can’t remember what was worrying me that day, but I went to The Grotto, a sacred place nearby dedicated to the Mother Mary. A Catholic community runs the grounds and there is a statue with candles and places to pray outside by the grotto. I was raised Catholic although I am non-religious.
I went there to pray. I prayed for guidance and release of the ego. I wanted to let go and called grace to be free. My prayers were answered. I went home, smoked some weed in my back yard and woke up so to speak.
It was infinite bliss. The realization that we are all one. That all is love. That all is nothing. That we are nothing. Life is but a dream. Joy. Peace. Awe.
It was summer and I had nothing to do but sit out in the yard and smile in awe of consciousnesses.
I was not interested in seeing anyone or doing anything in particular. I just took care of what was needed at home and sat in the yard. I would not call it meditation, as to meditate feels like having an intention. I just was there, fully present. My mind was quiet all of a sudden.
When I started working and had to deal with the insanity of my job, I could not hold on to the experience. As I got stressed, I felt my mind coming back. Sometimes, to distract it, I would do puzzles (sodoku, solitaire, etc.), so I could feel the consciousnesses while it solved the games.
It was a little bit like having an outer-body experience. With time, I lost it. However, I have never fully believed in the dream since then. I play my part and I get lost in my mind still. I forget and think I am a person, but I know I am not.