All Merged Into One

Mystical Experiencer:  Male in late forties
Current location:  U.S.A.
Age at time of experience:  46

I was born a Hindu. All my life, I was searching for tangible proof of God. Since I didn’t find it, I became an atheist. I didn’t want to accept mere empty words of any religions as proof of God. I strongly believe in science and in the basic tenets of science, like verifiability, reproducibility etc. The scientific principles are objective truth and there is no subjective interpretation. What I mean is, if someone says that they’ve experienced God, I will not accept it at face value. I was such a strong believer in atheism that I detested religious people for their gullibility, naïveté etc.

I have everything that life has to offer. Good job, nice house, wife, and kids. I travel a lot. There were these nagging questions about the meaning and purpose of life, the reason for mindless suffering in this world, understanding infinity, creation, etc. that I couldn’t put to rest. I didn’t want to accept the messages of any religions. I admired the believers for blindly accepting what their religion offered and living on with their lives. I was feeling like the hosts in the HBO series “West world”. There was an existential angst that made living hard.

I came across a Ted talk about Ayahuasca. It mentioned people experiencing the spirit world and god, and I got curious. I read everything about psychedelics/DMT. I went to Iquitos, Peru to try Ayahuasca. In the blink of an eye, I became a believer of God. Here is a short summary:

1) I became one with God under the full effects of Ayahuasca. You cannot see God, as God is the seer. You become God. This is the Hindus’ Advaita principle. This is the goal of enlightenment, i.e., to realize that we are God.

2) I felt myself as a vibrational force that is part of every atom in every single object/living matter. When you think about it, all matter is made of atoms, and atoms are made of sub atomic particles. All the particles are nothing but energy vibrating. In essence, everything is a vibration.

3) There was no concept of past, present or future. It was all merged into one. There was no concept of time. It was like a fluid state.

4) I felt that I was everywhere, like occupying the entire infinity. There was no beginning or end in both concepts of time and space.

5) I had the revelation that I was born many times in this world.

6) I had the revelation that everything is an illusion in this life, including all pain and suffering. The more pain and suffering you experience, the closer you are to God. (I’m still grappling with this concept. But this is what I experienced). The pain & suffering helps you think about God all the time and you get closer to God.

7) You need to keep objects/things that remind you of God in your day-to-day life.

8) All religions are the same and help people realize God. The religions may follow different customs, traditions, etc., but the end goal is the same.

The being of oneness with God felt 1,000 times more real than the life that I’m experiencing today. Without the Ayahuasca experience, If I had read this same post from someone else, I would have said “You are delusional and stupid. I won’t accept a word of what you are saying. There is absolutely no proof in anything that you’ve said”.

I’m reading what I can get to make sense of what I’ve experienced.

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