Mystical Experiencer: Female in mid-sixties
Current location: U.S.A.
Age at time of experience: 18
I was alone in a studio apartment that I was staying in temporarily as the tenant who was a friend was out of town. I wanted the opportunity to get away from my house where I was living with my mother and sisters. However, I had never lived anywhere outside of my family home and I had never been alone (without sisters, parents, friends) in a house overnight. (I was 17 or possibly about to turn 18).
I was surprised by the yawning, even gaping, mouth of time that opened in front of me without a parent telling me what to do or without a sister bothering me or a friend to talk to. I realized I could stay in bed and not get up and no one would notice. I could eat or not eat. Leave the house or not. Do homework or not. I was conscious that I was alone in the universe.
It was late morning, I believe, and I had just laid across the bed (sort of in savasana) and was contemplating this feeling of myself as completely alone. I had never meditated, but now, having meditated quite a bit, I realized upon reflection that I was perhaps moving into a meditative state because I had stilled my mind and was opening myself. I was relaxed and detached.
Suddenly and unexpectedly, I dissolved and had no sense of myself as a body. I had become the bed, the apartment—I was dissolved into the universe. I was aware only of becoming everything and everyone—I was expansive and whole. In this state, I could see I was not alone but was, in fact, a part of everything and everyone and that there was no separation.
I could feel the deep loving connectedness of all things and realized I was joining God or God consciousness or something. I knew everything as a gestalt. That I was a part of all things – everyone, everything, all of reality – and that there was no division. It felt like Love.
I can only say that I “understood,” and this experience informed my soul or me in a way that gave me a wisdom that has always grounded me. I believe I experienced God consciousness or I experienced myself as a spirit/soul.