Mystical Experiencer: Male in late sixties
Current location: U.S.A.
Age at time of experience: 69
I took 5 grams of mushroom, and had visions of fractal patterns while wearing an eye mask and headphones, listening to music. After about an hour there was still an “I” experiencing this, so I wanted more. I took 2 1/2 more grams. More time passed and “I” was still there, having lovely beautiful ecstatic experiences. I asked for more. I took the total amount I had taken so far (another 7 1/2 grams).
This time I got to a point where I got scared. I had been instructed to “let go” into any scary thing, but my fear was that if I let go, I would go crazy and never come back. I let go anyway. This was followed by a deep peace and comfort. I was in the hands of God, and i knew that everything was OK just as it is. Nothing needs to be fixed; life doesn’t need my help.
Then i had a long period of watching life toy with my ego, which was hilarious. My ego (or whatever it was; I was just calling it that) kept trying to “take credit” for things like being alive, but it was already alive. Or, when there was a feeling of overwhelming gratitude, the ego wanted to take credit for being the thing that was grateful. But there was no “thing” that was grateful — there was just gratitude. It wanted to “experience” something that was already being experienced (You had to be there.)
I had the image of the ego as a pitcher of water in a river. The pitcher isn’t doing anything. Or the ego is like a dog chasing a car, nipping at the tire. The car is life, the ego keeps trying to catch it and hold on to it. Then there’s a me that notices all this, and laughs uproariously.
I tried to think of my wife, my sister, my friend, but there were no individual beings in this place. The trip is never over. I saw the work of Kali, constantly eating the world and simultaneously giving birth to it. There’s a universal river of love emanating from the goddess of compassion, through all mothers forever, and that river is flowing in me and all of us. I belong. Life loves to dance joyfully with me — we’re engaged! 🙂