Mystical Experiencer: Male in late forties
Current location: England
Age at time of experience: 47
I had been reading a book by Emilie Cady, doing my usual meditation before going to bed, and questioning who I really was, and I asked God to reveal the truth to me. As I had fallen asleep, I presume I was dreaming. During this sleep period, I was initially dreaming of being in the back of a taxi travelling with some friends, which felt like we had been out on the town.
A radiant blue being in the front seat turned around and asked me in a pale voice ‘Why did you not forgive?’, I was startled and began to push myself away from him. As I did so, his hand reached over and he placed it on my heart, and, at that moment, we both merged into one being, becoming radiant brilliant light oneness itself. I no longer had a physical body or eyes to see with, and there was not anything to see but the light that I was emitting. Radiating, I became pure consciousness, pure awareness with no thoughts. As a pure mind, a thought would have contaminated my mind, being a formless presence.
I use the language I have to explain, but really no words I have can. I and my mind were boundless, limitless. I was timeless, fearless and free. I was desireless, complete, and whole, not seeking anything or wanting anything. I was in perfect peace and harmonious, radiating eternal life itself from the centre of my being. This felt like it was for eternity and had always been and always will be, as I had absolutely no concept of time or space, and I was completely still.
A few days after this, I did the same thing after reading and meditating, and what I thought was a dream happened again. I suddenly found myself in a dark place, completely surrounded and engulfed in this thick dense blackness, which was formless. There was no physical body or eyes though, and there wasn’t anything or anyone to see, just this darkness which went on for eternity. There was no other being present. I was completely alone, absolute aloneness. I had only my thoughts and my emotions and was completely motionless with this sense of self presence only. The longer I stayed in that place, the more I became fearful. I thought, “What is this? I really don’t like it. I don’t want to be here.” And then, becoming filled with terror at the thought of remaining in that place for eternity alone, I woke up and found myself back in bed filled with absolute relief.
What I experienced was more real than anything I have experienced in this physical life, making my life feel as though it is just a play or stage show which we act out. I don’t have any answers to what I experienced and it fills me with mixed emotions. There was oneness, a perfect experience and it’s wonderful thinking I may experience it again. There is also the absolute opposite, aloneness, and fearing I may return to that place of darkness again.