Mystical Experiencer: Male in early fifties
Current location: U.S.A.
Age at time of experience: 23
In my early twenties, during the big heyday of New Age stuff in Los Angeles in the late '80s, I felt extremely strongly pulled to spiritual things and spiritual inquiry. I devoured books on Eastern religion and philosophy, Christian mysticism, New Age stuff like Shakti Gawain's "Creative Visualization," quantum physics by such writers as Fred Alan Wolfe, Paramahansa Yogananda's "Autobiography of a Yogi," and other classic tomes. I brought stacks of pretty heavy duty stuff home from the UCLA library. I meditated and habitually studied my own consciousness, and pondered Big Questions a lot.
One evening in my apartment I decided to meditate in the bath tub. I lit a couple of candles. I made my mind very still, and I remember being entranced by how the concentric ripples in the bath tub collided with each other. I had a burning passion to "break through" and "come to know that one thing by which all things are known," a phrase I had picked up in some Buddhist type book. With all my heart I beseeched God out loud, practically demanded, "I want to know the Truth!" It was a total surrender, willing to take whatever answer came.
And at that moment it was as if heaven fell upon me. A tidal wave of Love and peace crashed down upon me from on high. This presence, this …Intention… the very Creator itself… made itself present to me. I felt consumed by it, in it and part of it. I felt a Love that is indescribable, a Love I could never earn, could never come to "deserve" in a million lifetimes given how perfect and unconditional it was. It was just Love for love's sake. It was glorious. I felt like a wire taking in too much energy, so I did breathing exercises and physically relaxed so as allow as much of it in as I could handle. I blubbered with tears of joy and humility. I literally writhed in ecstasy. I realized I was in contact with the very essence of reality itself.
I suddenly knew what Blake meant by "seeing the world in a grain of sand." Everything was whole and perfect and part of an infinitesimally intricate order. Mere mundane existence itself was clarified as a miracle, awesome and sacred, as realized – really realized for the first time – that everything is contingent upon God and exists in God. Everything was unified and infinite. There was no time or succession of events or knowledge. All questions seemed answered at once.
I kept repeating to myself in astonishment, like a mantra, "all…all…" or "one…one…" I realized my true self was part of the indestructible, unified whole, that I really had also never been born and would really never die. I felt at once puny and egoless, but felt like God too. I loved every being, every molecule in the universe. If someone had broken in to harm me, I would have hugged and kissed that person.
This went on for hours, until I was practically exhausted, and fell asleep saturated in Spirit, feeling utterly cleansed and purified. For days I was nearly speechless at it, and remember walking around my neighborhood in a blissful cloud. Everything, however mundane, was imbued with this great meaning. There was joy in being.
I could go on and on, but realize how inadequate words are.
To see the possible answers offered in Question 31, I have to laugh. There are no words for the Bliss this experience granted me. It was like having multiple spiritual orgasms one after another for hours. It changed my life forever.