Mystical Experiencer: Female in early seventies
Submission date: June 22, 2021
Current location: U.S.A.
Age at time of experience: 22
“There is no statement that the world is more afraid to hear than this: I do not know the thing I am, and therefore I do not know what I am doing, where I am, or how to look upon the world or on myself. Yet in this learning is salvation born. And What you are will tell you of Itself.”
(A Course in Miracles)
My search for truth started very early in life as my thoughts of questions were always directed within myself and God for answers to the mysteries of life. As a young teen, I felt so alienated from the normality of everyday life. My perception at that time in the 1950s was one of seeing that my incessant inquiring about Life itself was not shared by others in my age group. Being an introverted type, a loner of sorts, there were not many I could relate to. Growing up in the so-called Bible Belt, it seemed that there weren’t any persons that even cared about the why and wherefore that we exist. My mother started reading to me from the essays of Ralph Waldo Emerson and my thoughts started to probe even deeper within myself. My introduction to deeper and more mystical searching started with reading books by Edgar Cayce and studying the Tarot. When I was about 20 years of age, I joined the Rosicrucian Order (AMORC). The scientific and arcane knowledge presented in their studies helped me to have more control over my mind instead of letting all the set doctrines of the churches and beliefs of the masses influence me.
I was never really active in organized religions (especially the Western variety) yet I knew there had to be a God. Never had it been a doubt in my mind that there was a God. Later in life, I did read about and study the Eastern religions somewhat. The ancient writings of these religions resonated more with my soul. Having experienced out-of-body experiences and very intense dreams in my younger days, especially, I was prepared to pursue my spiritual path of searching for the Truth about our reality and existence here on this earth. Even at this age (20) a feeling that life was but a dream contributed to my deeper meditations.
While living and working in NYC in 1969 my first intense mystical experience occurred. This ecstatic experience was like a Light or Force that permeated every cell in my body and Being and I was completely filled with Love. Love for all humanity flowed from my Being. To me, this is what was felt that must be the Christ Spirit or the Holy Spirit. This experience lasted most of the day and I was able to fully function in this state of mind even though it felt as if I was “glowing”, radiating love. The oneness and connection with all the world was overwhelming! I guess this could be called “The Rapture”. There have been the same types of experiences of ecstasy throughout my life although not lasting as long at a time. My goal is to be in this complete union of the inner and outer reality as a constant state of mind. How glorious and peaceful such a life would be! What a world it would be if all humanity experienced this Christ-like spiritual state.
At 22 years of age, I was about to undergo a radical transformation. This transcendent experience would “rock” my world, turn it upside down, and change my mind and life forever. Leading up to this “veil” opening up within my being, I was in a deep state of contemplation when all of the sudden I remembered my Self as the Eternal Being, as One. It was like it was a billion years since I (the observer) remembered Myself (my True Self) which is ONE and which is IT or God. This reunion was accompanied by a vision of Light like a FIRE, all-consuming, filled with LOVE and familiarity. “IT” was the best word to describe this Eternal Being at the time. All at once for a moment I “understood” everything…how and why everything exists as One and I knew I was Home. In that moment I was shown more knowledge than anything this world could have taught me a million times over. This all lasted a moment in time. And so, my life began anew like I was reborn with the fire of the Holy Spirit. Even though this experience lasted but a moment it completely resurrected my consciousness causing me to see the world inside and outside myself from a different perspective ever afterwards.
I was in shock after this glimpse of Eternity. And after returning to normality, I began to undergo a breaking-down process that compares to “the dark night of the soul”. It WAS NOT PLEASANT! I’m not sure if because my ego was completely annihilated and shattered that I was engulfed in the darkness, that in hindsight seemed to be an archetype of the collective unconscious mind representing separation in lieu of unity or Oneness. All my life since I have tried to understand what had happened. My mind went through a psychosis in my opinion and it took all the strength I could muster to overcome the darkness I was experiencing. Thereafter, everyone I came in contact with or looked upon, I saw their Divine Spirit shining through which was joyful, but at the same time, I saw the sadness and suffering of humanity and the world. It could be almost unbearable. This still happens to me at times but my present understanding and knowledge that has accumulated over the years overcomes all the sadness and there is peace in my life now.
Pieces of the puzzle of life kept being revealed to me through visions periodically and intensely for a long time after my transcendent, eternal experience. These revelations flashed into my consciousness suddenly, without warning, and they were as if a beam of Knowledge flashed into my consciousness explaining parts of the puzzle of the meaning of existence. There are no words to describe these revelations because words are a poor substitute for things that can’t be explained in form. I was married within a year and had four children. Therefore, with the spiritual transformation and coming into a family, life became a huge challenge. Feeling as if I have tried to understand my transcendent experiences in relation to the world and my life has brought a higher awareness and guidance into my life. Love is definitely the answer. Forgiveness and trust are the Soul’s inheritance from the Divine One from whence our roots originate.
I couldn’t speak of this ultimate experience of “experiences” with anyone for a long time because in my view no one would know what I was talking about and I would be considered insane speaking of such things. However, I could relate a little of the experience to my sister, brother, and mother. And later on, my children. But, there are no words to express this state of enlightenment in the final analysis. I have met many people throughout my life that have had extraordinary experiences with consciousness, (especially of the psychic kind) but none so far have I met that compares to what my own experiences describe.
In conclusion, my life has been filled with much love, friends, and adventure. In my opinion, much has been understood as time goes on from my transcendent experiences which have definitely helped in living my day-to-day life. It was learned that we are all ONE within the root of our BEING which is eternal, unchanging, and full of Love, Light, and Wisdom. We never die for we are the Eternal, unchanging BEING. By purging our minds and consciousness of all selfishness (which is a result of believing that we are separate) and genuinely loving our brothers unconditionally, we can fulfill our true purpose for our lives, which is to find our way back Home. And we will see the perfection and symmetry within as a manifestation of God in the world.