Mystical Experiencer: Female in late forties
Current location: U.S.A.
Age at time of experience: 49
I was attending a six day workshop at a spiritual retreat in Virginia. I had been feeling a little ‘off’ the first three days of the retreat. I had a mystical vision on the third day. But it was the fourth day, I had a really unusual experience.
It was a guided meditation with some background music. I remember hearing the instructor’s voice the first 5-10 minutes, after which I heard no sound. I felt myself being pulled up into a tunnel. I remember being pulled through the gold light. As I kept moving up, the light changed to the colors of rainbow. As I kept going up (by this time I was starting to think, why wasn't I slowing down or stopping) the force that was pulling me became a translucent energy. The pull was very strong, and I was moving really fast.
The next thing I know, I collided with a wall of energy. It was a powerful impact, as I gasped when I hit the wall. The energy engulfed me. It was gentle and yet very strong. It was a huge wall, and it was moving very slowly, more like the movement of the earth on its orbit. The energy was alive, it was dark and pulsating.
Suddenly I saw my form fly headfirst out of the wall and go spiraling down the abyss with legs flailing in the air. I could even see the pattern at the bottom of my sandals. I was totally shocked, and for an instant I thought, why am I falling down there, when I'm still here?
Then it came to me. There was no place for the form in this energy. It was tossed out. I totally relaxed, I felt no attachment to anything. There was no thought or identity. I also had no memory of my children, husband, parents, life on earth. I believe that I went down the abyss with the form. I actually became nothing, yet I was at the same time more than nothing. It’s hard to explain. I was in this state for some time. I felt no joy, or bliss, or ecstasy. I just was, I existed. I remember sensing that this energy was really ancient, it was very, very old. It’s always existed. There was no end or beginning to it.
I don't know how long I was there. The exercise was about 45-50 mins. I remember hearing the voice of the instructor at the end of the exercise, and the next thing I knew I was back in my body. I started to shake, and the tears wouldn't stop. I was so overwhelmed by the experience. I wasn't sure what to make of it. I knew something profound had happened. I believe I experienced a union with the Divine. I don't know exactly what else to call it.
I was feeling very strange for about two weeks after. The top of my head felt as if there was a crater. It felt raw. I didn't want anyone or anything to touch the top of my head. I also felt as if my brain was being mushed together. Please forgive me, I don't have proper words to describe that very uncomfortable feeling in my head. It truly felt as if my brain was being squeezed together. I did not feel well.
The state of being nothing and everything is not as strong now as it was the first 2-3 months. But something has shifted. I don't 'feel' the same. I've become detached from emotions. I see life around me as if I'm seeing events on a movie screen. I am also seeing myself as if I am outside my body. I don't feel the same in this body. It is a very interesting experience, this detachment.
I feel I am watching myself. I don't have the right words to explain this. I know it sounds very strange. I am not part of any organized or active group, and have been doing my own research on my experiences. I think my experiences are mystical in nature. I came across your website as I was trying to find some information on mysticism.