Mystical Experiencer: Female in mid-seventies
Submission date: July 27, 2022
Current location: U.S.A.
Age at time of experience: 58
I cannot describe [my experience] adequately with words. This is my attempt. I was just doing my usual “meditation” with no expectation or agenda other than to feel calm and relaxed. I think it was on a weekend, in late afternoon. It was just an ordinary day, nothing exceptional at all.
I was sitting quietly, just letting my mind wander, and in my imagination, I saw myself standing on top of a huge sphere the size of a planet, surrounded by nothingness, like an infinity of black nothingness. There was something very tiny, like the head of a pin poking up from the sphere just in front of my foot and I decided to step on it. When I did, I found myself at a point where all that is and nothing co-exist. Well, not really coexist. All that is and nothing were the same.
At first I was startled, and then I felt sort of welcomed, as if this was where I belonged, this was my home, the home of my heart and soul. I was flooded with joy. I literally felt joy course up through my feet and fill my whole body. And then one after another, understandings fell into my being. All that is is nothing. All that is is perfect. Reality is perfect nothingness. Love is the only thing that exists; everything else is an illusion. All that is is love. All that is is one. Human, physical reality is not real.
I am using words to describe the understandings, but they don’t do justice to the experience. I wept with joy, but I can’t describe why. The closest I can come is to say that every fiber of my being became infinite truth.
There is also another reason that I wept, which may make me sound like a crazy person, but it is what it is. The first time I had what I would consider a mystical experience was when I was 13. My home life at that time was very dysfunctional and stressful. I often went to bed feeling totally confused and overwhelmed.
At night, while I was sleeping—I suppose I was actually dreaming, but at the time it didn’t feel like dreaming—anyway, a “person” would speak to me. This person wasn’t human, and she spoke in a language I had never heard before, but I understood her completely, because she spoke to my heart, not my brain. She would explain to me why things were happening the way they were in my family.
Besides the explaining, the experience of her presence was something I still can’t explain [fully]. It was as if I was in a different reality, where I didn’t actually exist as my 13 year-old-self, but I existed somehow beyond that in a way that was much greater than my human existence, and I knew that my greater existence was loved by this “person” who visited me, and that love was all that mattered. Absolutely nothing about me as a 13-year-old human being was of any consequence, it was as if all my faults and failures didn’t exist.
These visits happened from time to time until I was in my early 20s. I never knew what they were or how to understand them. But they literally saved me. And I knew they represented some truth that I hoped someday I would understand.
It was the mystical experience I had when I was 58, that I wrote about above, that helped me to realize that it and the visits that began when I was 13 were the same, just a different way of experiencing them. And so, I wept when I realized the connection.